|
Dark Rising (2007)
IMDB rating: 5.60
Plot: A broken heart, a battle axe, a demon and a lesbian ex-fiancee… Jason Parks’ life goes from bad to worse as a series of supernatural events turn his dream of reconciliation with ex-fiancee Jasmine into a portal seeking, demon hunting nightmare…
|
Dark Rising
Directors: Cymek Andrew
Actors: Cannon Landy,Reso Jason,Nelson Peter,Newman Jack,Johnston Rogue,Brown Jason,Allen Chadwick,Comedy,Horror,
What do you think of the beginning of my story?
This is the beginning of a story I thought of in my head. I probably will not write it as a story but, just thought it would be cool to write the beginning. Remember, I did not edit this. Please no rude comments unless it is about the writing. Thank you in advance to all the people that answer. 10 points to Best Answer =)
Details about this story:
- It takes place in modern time.
- Main character is Sophie.
- Sophie has, brown hair, light blue/hazel eyes, and is 12.
- This is NOT EDITED!
The Story:
Sophie stared out her giant bay window in her room. Well, it really wasn’t GIANT, but it seemed like that to Sophie. She remember when she first got her precious bay window. She had gone to the local home remodel shop with her Grandmother Rose and her mother, Janet. She was only in 2nd grade and thought is was amazing! Of course she still thought that, she was now in 7th grade, and loved to look out it. Now she saw family members and friends coming to her birthday. She would be turning 12. Well, technically, she turned 12 at 9:42 am, but she was asleep. It was Saturday and she ALWAYS slept in late.
With that, Sophie stood up, staring at herself in the mirror. She wore dark skinny jeans and a blue and black plaid shirt with a v-neck. Her All-Star Converse were dirty from age, she had gotten them for her 11th birthday, and looked aged too. Sophie could never bring herself to throw them out though. Her chocolate brown hair was pulled into a smooth ponytail and a tight headband held her stringy straight hair in. She wore black, white, and blue bangles on her right arm and her friendship braclet and charm braclet on her left. She wore a diamond peace sign necklace and diamond studs on her ears. Her nails were painted black and were short from her biting. Her face had lip gloss and a little mascara. She had begged her mother for just a a little blue eye shadow and, since it was her birthday, her mother had given in hesitantly.
Sophie heard a knock on her door. Straighting up, she called easily "Come In!". Her mother entered. her mother was just wearing a pale pink sweater and those old lady jeans. "You ready Soph?" her mother asked anxiously. "Yeah Mom, be right there." Her mother just nodded with sincereity and walked out of the room. Sophie sighed, looking at herself for the last time. You can do this, she spoke to herself. She usually loved to be with people but, since her parent’s cruel divorce, she had grown more mature and shy. With sudden abruptness, her little sister, Madison, came running in. "Come ON!! Sophie!!" her sister yelled at her. "I WANT CAKE!!!". Sophie smiled at her sister and came out of her room. Madison was only 7 and was very energetic. In the hall, Sophie and Madison’s older brother, Ryan, stood in the hall. "I sent the small one to get you." he said as Sophie stumbled out. "Okay." she nodded to her brother. Usually they were fighting and he would push her around but, their father would be here since the divorce, so they was no fighting. Sophie could feel that the yard was tense with her father and mother in the same room, same city for that matter, since the divorce. " You ready little sis’?" he asked looking at Sophie and Madison, right before they got out the back door to the yard. Ready as I’ll ever be Sophie mumbled to herself.
It’s pretty good. Sounds like something my 8 year old sister would write, but that is a compliment
Are your parents divorced? Please answer that question.
I think you should write it as a story. I’d read an entire story like that.
| Feb 03, 2010
Pretty good. Start new paragraphs every time someone talks.
Answer mine please?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index; _ylt=AkmsXI52KV1HPylZ5u2aGJnsy6IX;_ylv=3 ?qid=20100203164028AAjAqZ1
Buffy | Feb 03, 2010
When telling what she wore it felt listed and repetitive.. do twelve year olds really dress like that?
Usually it isn’t a good idea to describe a characters whole outfit… I suppose I used to do that but it is annoying to read, and shows that the author wants to make a style plate..
Lol’d @ "I sent the small one to get you"
Why do they keep asking her is she is ready.. that is a bit annoying as well.
Actually, contrary to what Buffy has said, starting a new paragraph EVERY time someone else starts is not necessary. Though it is proper to do so a lot of authors haven’t been doing it and it seems to be okay as long as you don’t do it too much and you don’t confuse who is talking. For back and forth conversations it is probably best to separate.. but the small unimportant things they say aren’t really going to matter enough to deserve a paragraph all to their own.
Sarah (Yeah my name is creative) | Feb 03, 2010
